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September 2024 Babies
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littlenipperbby
LONG POST, SORRY IN ADVANCE. I’m really upset and don’t know if I should be this upset over gifts.
So today was our baby shower, it was coed because my husband wanted to be there. We have been trying to have a baby for 5+ years and got our surprise miracle baby. Both sides of our family know how hard we struggled to conceive.
Anyway today was our shower, it was hosted by my MIL, SIL, my best friend, and my aunt. Everything went great and the venue was beautiful. 52 people RSVP’d and about 48 showed up. We got about 14 gifts, no one on my husband’s side got us a single gift or card or anything at all but attended the shower.
I didn’t really get upset until I got home and unloaded everything and noticed we didn’t even have a card or anything from his side, yet they all attended the shower with some of them even driving long distances to be there. Is this something you would be upset about? The more I think about it the more upset I’m getting.
At first I thought maybe it was because my MIL and SIL hosted but after talking with my best friend I found out that her and my aunt did all of the buying/decorating. My aunt and best friend still brought gifts as well as hosting. A couple family members of mine made comments about how many people were there and how little gifts we had to open. One family member told me it seemed as if his family was trying to make a statement.
I can’t seem to get over it. idk if it’s the pregnancy hormones or if this is something to be truly upset over. Also my husband’s side of the family has money, my family does not. A few of my family members bought us a single baby outfit or socks and we are overjoyed that they cared enough to get anything.
EDIT: It’s not just about the gifts alone, we had a guest book for people to sign and write a little note to us or the baby. None of my husband’s signed the guest book. My husband said over the speaker for everyone to please sign the guest book and I approached several of his family members to sign it.
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crjohni13
was there communication about gifts? Maybe even your husband saying something different than you expected?
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littlenipperbby
@crjohni13,
no, we talked about it a bit when we got home and he’s upset as well. He hasn’t really talked to me about it other than that he was shocked that no one in his family had gotten us anything. My husband is usually a very talkative person and when we got home from the baby shower he was silent. I didn’t push conversation because I was upset and didn’t want to take it out on him.
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crjohni13
@littlenipperbby,
that’s fair. I usually assume communication. That does suck even though we say no need to bring gifts if it’s really not in the budget. The whole family though is concerning
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catsby
Hmm that is a little strange. Are they from a different culture? There are certain cultures that frown against opening gifts in public or giving gifts before baby is born? Were they aware that gifts are expected at baby showers??
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littlenipperbby
@catsby,
I’m the type of person to not even want to know why someone does something. I just want to shut out anyone that causes me any type of pain mentally. I’ve told my husband I don’t want our baby to feel less than from his family so at the moment I don’t feel like I would want to bring our baby around his family. He agreed with me. I’ll definitely take a week or so to calm down before making any decisions though.
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Blessing01-2020
NTAH- but just be more cautious and vigilant about his family moving forward. Keep them in their places.
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HelloItsMe24
@littlenipperbby,
Super weird. I'd stay on guard. But again, hope it somehow turns out positive 🤞
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kathyyyyyy
Definitely sounds weird, especially with them wanting you to open gifts. Sounds like they were wanting to get a reaction out of you or you both. I definitely understand the anger at this point it’s not even just about your or your husband but it might feel like it’s something against the baby and you’re being protective, which is super valid!!
My husbands parents, especially his dad has always treated my daughter differently than the other grand kids but he treats my husband different too as his own child so I’m always super overprotective and will not tolerate if he attempts to make my daughter feel less than.
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littlenipperbby
@kathyyyyyy,
we definitely weren’t upset at the shower, I’m so glad I didn’t give anyone that satisfaction. I didn’t even think about it with everything going on. I thought there must be a card or 2 we missed and would come across while putting things away. I really noticed while going through our guest book, none of his family signed it and my aunt wrote down every gift we opened and who it was from so I could send thank you cards in the mail. That’s when I saw that our gifts were only from my family and friends.
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Aesedai1
Yes I would be upset but I’m a Virgo and can hold a grudge lol
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littlenipperbby
@Aesedai1,
I’m a Taurus and right there with you! lol
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rkwood
That’s so weird. And they pushed for you to open gifts knowing they didn’t get you anything? Did they want you to see that they didn’t right then and there? Very strange. If a few didn’t get gifts, I’d say it’s a fluke but the whole family? It feels suspicious to me. Moving forward, now you know where they stand. And perhaps that will affect your decisions about their celebrations too. Maybe not feel so obligated to attend or be generous?
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littlenipperbby
@rkwood,
MIL and SIL asked me 3 or more times when and if I was ready to open gifts while I was talking to guests at the shower so by the 3rd or 4th time I told her it would be fine and we could start. I also forgot to add that my aunt got a guest book for people to sign or write a little note in and none of my husbands family signed it. I told my husband as of right now I don’t want his family to come to the hospital when I’m in labor and I’m not sure how I’ll feel about visits after.
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rkwood
@littlenipperbby,
yea it’s fishy to me. I could understand a few people maybe but the whole family? And not even signing the guest book? Too many red flags.
As for visitors, set that boundary and stick to it. I have a very strained relationship with my husband’s brother. When we see each other, he acts like I don’t exist. I told my husband I’m not going to sit on a couch, bleeding and in pain while his brother holds my daughter and he won’t even say hi to me. Of course my husband is sad this is the case but very understanding and supportive of my decision. I hope your husband will back up your boundaries as well!
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littlenipperbby
@rkwood,
as of right now my husband is completely supportive of how I feel about his family not coming to the hospital when I’m in labor and possibly not at all. He’s said that he’s upset/disappointed that we didn’t receive anything from his family. We still have about 5 weeks until baby’s here so we’ll see how he feels then.
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DanikaDignard
Baby showers aren’t all about gifts, they are about celebrating a new baby entering this world…
gifts are OPTIONAL and not mandatory..
people who wanted to purchase gifts most likely did, others probably wanted to simply celebrate this new beginning with you guys …
The fact that they showed up to celebrate should be enough…
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DrMamaGrace
@littlenipperbby,
Definitely odd behavior!
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livncm
Yeah that’s strange, I know everyone says that a baby shower isn’t about gifts and it’s about “celebrating the baby”…. But the point is to ✨shower✨ you with gifts. It’s in the name. It’s not just a time to socialize, it’s a time to bless the new parents with things for the baby. I’m not sure how I would go about saying something, but that’s odd enough that I would mention to someone.
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littlenipperbby
@livncm,
I feel like more of an A**H*** if I bring it up at all. I also feel like “celebrating the baby” would make more sense if the baby were born, then coming to a party to meet and “celebrate the baby” without a gift would make sense, to me anyway…
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livncm
@littlenipperbby,
yes toooootally agree about the celebrating the baby thing!! That’s always how I’ve felt too. You definitely don’t have to bring it up, but if there’s someone who could ask on your behalf or if it naturally comes up somehow I would inquire… it’s just so strange!!
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stmKB17
Just another comment to say you’re not in the wrong for being upset and I think their behavior is strange. Baby shower’s are 100% about getting gifts for the baby and setting up new parents for success. I would never contemplate attending a shower without a gift.
Now as for how to handle it idk if you feel like you’re going to be bothered by it moving forward and it’ll impact your relationship with them I’d probably give it a week and make sure nothing else is coming and then have your husband bring it up with his mom. Maybe there’s some kind of reasonable explanation (what that would be I have no clue) and it’ll save you strife with the family if you knew it. Good luck ❤️
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littlenipperbby
@stmKB17,
I would absolutely never show up to a baby shower without a gift and honestly I always shop from the registry to make sure I get what the person wants/needs which we’ve done for 2 of his sisters already.
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veebee28
That's weird asf but they've put you in a position to sound like an a-hole if you say something
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littlenipperbby
@veebee28,
I absolutely feel this way.
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